Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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