I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
