kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
