hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
