She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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