highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
