i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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