Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
