I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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