i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
