Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
