Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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