please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
