i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
