I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
