i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
