Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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