: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
