I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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