How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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