is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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