the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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