yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
