lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
