He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
