The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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