hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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