please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
