I wish I could punch you in the face.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
