I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
