a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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