I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
