apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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