I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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