Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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