Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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