Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
