is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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