I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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