Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
