Just took my morning after pill in the library
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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