My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
