Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They took my balls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
