we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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