those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and she was petting her beer can
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
