Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
