I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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