I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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