He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
