spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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