Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
