Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
