Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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