I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
