Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
