CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
