Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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