I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
