I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
