let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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