my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
