GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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