Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
