So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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