and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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