Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
zippers are such a cool invention
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
