If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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