he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is classic penis vs brain.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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