I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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