I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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