I'm so fucking centered right now
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
