I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
