I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
